Hey,you.

I want you.
You and your foolish acts,
your ridiculous hair,
your awkward smile.
I want you.
You and your smug face,
your long fingers,
your bruised knees.
I want you.
You and your uncanny mind,
your cryptic thoughts,
your 1:44 am dramas.
I want you.
You and your stupid mind games,
your bizarre ability to piss me off,
your poetic words.
I want you
I have always wanted you.
Maybe I was just cheating myself,
babble words to cover up what I’m feeling.
I guess I will always want you.

I will always want you.

Things I will tell my daughter (Part 1)

i. Don’t rush finding your other half. You don’t find him. Wait patiently and he shall come in the right time. You’re still young.

ii. You have stardust in your veins, you are a living, breathing, walking extraction of the universe. There are galaxies inside your mind, moons in your eyes and the ocean in your heart.

iii. You will experience pain no matter what path you choose. There will be times that you will be down, but remember that even though you fall, you will soon rise again. Do not disregard yourself, beautiful warrior.

iv. One day you will find yourself. For now, you are allowed to be lost, you are allowed to be confused and you are allowed to be scared. We all are, baby. The Earth we live is full of lost souls who keeps on finding themselves.

v. When you laugh your nose crinkles up so perfectly that your freckles dance like little dandelions in the wind. Know that you are special.

vi. When he is about to kiss you, don’t close your eyes. Wait until his sunshine lips touch yours. Then, and only then, close your eyes. Feel every breathe he takes and don’t bother about the people around you. It’s your moment. Seize it.

vii. If you are still awake at 3am thinking about nothing, get the Bourbon in the bottom part of the kitchen cabinet and let yourself drown with alcohol. Maybe then, you can sleep the pain away.

viii. Darling, love every inch of your body. Your body didn’t harmed you, maybe there are times that it did but it was just a reminder to take care of yourself. Okay? You are made perfect so don’t ruin it.

ix. You can’t complain about burnt hands when your hands are on the stove. Be smart in making decisions. Don’t be impulsive.

x. You are enough.

If I could, darling, I would.

What does it feel to be kissed by you?
A question I always ask to myself.
Sometimes, I close my eyes and imagine,
your lips brushed against mine,
our eyes closed, savoring the moment.
My arms is making its way in your neck
and my fingers entangling in your hair,
while yours is grabbing my back
because the intensity of the affection
shocks me and I might stumble if
you don’t hold me close.
Wow! The epitome of perfection.
Will I ever experience an eruption
of emotions, affections, sentiments?
Will it leave me wanting more?
Well, there’s only one way to know.

Someone who understands.

I want someone who can distinguish
my loneliness just by hearing my voice.
So maybe, I can feel that I am loved
in the simplest, smallest way.
I want someone who can differentiate
‘that’ smile I have when I smile in front
of many people to hide all the resentment
that pulls me down and drowns me.
I want someone who can read my eyes and
communicate with them so we can throw
jokes or tell if someone piqued my
interest or to alert each other for emergencies.
I want someone who can understand I am a
complicated girl who lives in the warped perception
of the world; that I am a paradox but I
still try to keep my balance.
I need someone who can accept all these
insecurity and demons within me,
someone who can love me despite the fact
that I am just me.

No matter how much time you lend to someone, no matter how much effort you put for someone, you can never hope that everything you invest to that person will pay off. That’s the thing about giving someone everything— sometimes, it’s not worth it because most of the time you’re unappreciated.

Spilled.

Do you ever get like super vulnerable late at night that you just want to spill your heart out and say how you feel because you’ve been holding it in for so long and you just need some ventilation and there’s just something about two in the morning that makes me lose my filter and say the things I would never have the guts to say when the sun is up.

Moodswings

I fucking hate it when you’re in such a fantastically giddy mood and then you see one simple little thing that makes you think, “oh” and then you just get this empty feeling in your chest and you get nauseous and the world just crumbles and you want to just lay under a blanket and close your eyes and fall asleep and never wake up.

D,

i wish you knew
that every
love quotes
on my blog
refers to YOU.

I’m just me.

I’m awkward.
I don’t talk much.
Or perhaps I do.
I can be  really loud when I want to.
too quiet when pissed, or sad.
Cold,even. snob
when not in the mood.

I’m careless.
I do stupid things
without thoroughly thinking about them
I usually mess things up.
that’s what I do, screw things up
People hate me for that,
Even my friends.

I’m clumsy and tactless.
I’m indecisive.
I have a lot of things in mind.
I’m not sure about half of it
I suck at deciding
I just stay at the grey area
careful not to cross any line
and retreat in my own safety bubble

I’m weak.
I lack courage, strength
and determination,
confidence and boldness.
I easily get tempted.
too weak to endure.
too rusty to function

I’m no angel
I say bad things
I do bad things
I lie, and cheat
I hurt people.
Physically, and;
Emotionally.

You see, I’m not perfect. No matter how hard I try to hide it, This not-so-good part of me will always find a way to be noticed. I can’t shake it off, because without these things, Im not me. without these bad sides, we’re not us. Too perfect.

I can’t please everybody.

And I don’t plan to.

I am scared of falling in love, of craving you every second of every day, of needing you, of being addicted to you. I am scared of missing you more than I can handle, of losing you and myself in you. I am scared of not being enough, and of seeing my insufficiency in your eyes