Missing him.

Have you ever just missed someone so much that you start to cry and forcefully stifle your sobs and then your chest starts to hurt and you’re having a really difficult time, trying to catch your breath and your words and most importantly — your emotions? You just sit there and say their name in your head too many times to count, trying to feel better through it but knowing full well that it’s only going to be worse. You miss someone. And the fact that you can’t do anything to ease off the ache scares you shitless.

One of the risks of being quiet is that the other people can fill your silence with their own interpretation: You’re bored. You’re depressed. You’re shy. You’re stuck up. You’re judgemental. When others can’t read us, they write their own story—not always one we choose or that’s true to who we are.

I swear I’m okay. I’m just tired. And no, not just the kind of tired where I’ve had a long day, but the kind of tired where I slept for 7 hours last night, and yet, I feel as though I haven’t had a good night’s rest in months. The kind of tired where taking a deep breath feels like carrying twice my body weight. The kind of tired where I feel as though I’ve been searching for you as if you were the last piece of buried treasure on this earth. The kind of tired that I fear no amount of sleep can ever cure.

I swear to God, i will never fall in love with someone who can’t love me back.

I don’t know how many times I’ve told myself this phrase. But, still i’m always falling for the wrong one. Been hurt and cry for the wrong one. I’m afraid to love again, because if i do, i might end up falling in love with somebody I have no right to fall in love with.

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is the most painful than loving someone and never find a courage to let the person know.

Things We All Should Realize

I. You do not need a boy to buy expensive, lacy underwear. Wear it for yourself. You look great. Never let anyone convince you otherwise.

II. If you spend all your time waiting for things to happen, you’re letting other people control your fate. Time won’t wait for you. Get a move on.

III. Living off the scraps of love from other people will leave you hungry. Grow to love yourself and you won’t die of starvation.

IV. Learn when to care and when to laugh it off. If somebody hurts you, tell them. If they hurt you again, leave.

V. Life is too short to spend it sad. You don’t need approval to turn up the music and dance like you’re America’s next model. You look funny. Learn to stop caring.

VI. If it’s edible and you’re hungry, eat it. If it’s edible and you want to eat it, eat it. If it’s edible and you’re full , convince the girl in the corner who looks like she’s starving to have it. Tell her she’s goddamn beautiful and repeat it until she smiles.

VII. If he doesn’t call you after your first argument, he won’t call you after your last. If his arms are slack when you make up, he hasn’t let it go. If he can’t look you in the eye when he says he loves you, he’s lying. And if he watches you walk away with tears in your eyes, he’s not the one.

VIII. Your mother went through nine months of hell for you and prepared herself to go through another eighteen years of it. She does not deserve your impatience because some boy did not notice you.

IX. Your emotions may not make sense and sometimes you will be irrational, but they will always be valid. You are allowed to cry if you are hurt. You are allowed to find bad jokes funny. And you are allowed to scream if you want to, but it is better to laugh.

X. You are not perfect but that does not give other people the right to use it against you. Stop apologizing for everything. It will not make you more likable. Take responsibility for yourself and demand respect, not compliments.

XI. No one can tell you the meaning of life. Happy people are the ones who have found their own meaning

Do you?

“Do you love me?” The words were pressed against her tongue, waiting. But there never seemed a right time to say them.
“Do you love me?” She hated herself for needing to know. After all, his breath mixed with hers often enough to shut anyone up.
“Do you love me?” She whispered into the wind so he wouldn’t hear.
“Do you love me?” She said, but what she really meant was, “I need to know you love me before I do something stupid, like let you in.”
What she really meant was, “you have seen me naked, all skin on skin, but will you stay if I let you see me raw?”

I used to dislike being sensitive.

I thought it made me weak. But take away that single trait, and you take away the very essence of who I am. You take away my conscience, my ability to empathize, my intuition, my creativity, my deep appreciation of the little things, my vivid inner life, my keen awareness to others pain and my passion for it all.

He may love you. He probably does. He probably thinks about you all the time. But that isn’t what matters. What matters is what he’s doing about it, and what he’s doing about it is nothing. And if he’s doing nothing, you most certainly shouldn’t do anything. You need someone who goes out of their way to make it obvious that they want you in their life.

It hurts.

it hurts a lot.
but I’ll keep it to myself so it doesn’t hurt anyone else.